Pet Peeve #2

While I'm spilling my guts about ridiculous pet peeves which, by definition, are insignificant little trifles, I might as well add this one: labels on fruit!

I know, I know. Grocery store workers cannot be expected to know Brussels sprouts from kumquats, but do they have to label every piece of produce? Fruit and vegetables should arrive from the store as they would from the garden -- ready for anything -- immediate consumption, decorative display, or immortality as featured elements of a still-life painting.

Maybe I am neurotic (I think we've already established that), but I go piece by piece through a bag of oranges removing each and every tag before dumping them into a bowl. I do the same for lemons (still on my lemonade kick), apples, bell peppers...I suppose I could pay twice as much for the fruit and eliminate this problem by shopping at an organic grocer, but my solution would be more thorough training of cashiers so that they can distinguish all of the various apples, tomatoes, onions, etc. at a glance. I realize this is unrealistic, however, so I will just keep pre-peeling my fruit.

Just for fun: Can you identify the artists of the still-life paintings at the top? Clockwise from top left they are Pablo Picasso (probably the least abstract piece by Picasso I've seen), Chris Young (excellent local Utah artist gaining national acclaim), Paul Cezanne, and Raphaello Peale.

Bumper Stickers

For someone without a real commute, I spend too much time in traffic. Thank goodness for bumper stickers! (On the other hand, there are some bumper stickers I could definitely live without. It's amazing what some people will reveal about themselves, proudly, I suppose, on the exterior of their vehicles.)

Anyway, here are some I found enjoyable or thought-provoking. I didn't personally observe most of these, though. I found them on the web:

Buckle up - it makes it harder for aliens to suck you out of your car.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If this sticker is getting smaller, the light is probably green.
Eternity: Smoking or Non?
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Beer: The reason I get up every afternoon.
Bomb Squad: If you see me running, you'd better catch up.
Conceive. Believe. Achieve.
Despite the cost of living, have you ever noticed that it remains so popular?
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't miss heaven for the world!
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Hug a logger - you'll never go back to trees.
Earth first! We'll log the other planets later.
Elvis is dead and I'm not feeling too well myself.
Eschew obfuscation.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Everything I need to know I learned in prison.
Florida: Home of electile dysfunction.
Florida: If you think we can't vote, wait 'til you see us drive!
Forget about world peace - visualize using your turn signal.
Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.
Gravity always gets me down.
Gravity: It's not just a good idea, it's the law!
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy!
Hogwarts dropout.
Honk if anything falls off.
Honk if I'm paying your mortgage.
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired from a car window.
How many roads must a man drive down before he admits he is lost?
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed.
I'm not speeding - I'm qualifying.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I fish, therefore I lie.
I should never have invented the electoral college. - Al Gore
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
One more repo and I'll be debt free.
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
Proud mother of a juvenile delinquent.
Relish today. Ketchup tomorrow.
Stop global whining.
There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going.
What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it's all about?
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Seeing the Fox

We've lived near a small airport for 13 years now, so we drive past the field almost daily. Security there has been enhanced since 9-11 and the entire perimeter of the very large tract of land is enclosed in a tall chain link fence with barbed wire strung across the top. No one can get in and no one can get out, except a family of foxes.

I remember in high school learning that foxes are virtually impossible to see in a city -- not because they aren't there but because they really are sly. So when I saw a fox in the field the first time I was very surprised. I started scanning the field every time I drove by. Sometimes months would pass between sightings and I'd fear the worst, only to see a fox again, usually solo and usually in winter. With amber red hair it's hard for them to blend into the snowscape.

I see foxes fairly often in the winter, but infrequently enough to consider it a talisman of good luck. I saw the fox today out in the center of the field dragging his bushy tail on top the crusted snow.

It gives me a thrill to see wild animals in their natural habitat. It stokes my imagination. I try to picture where their den is, what it looks like, and how many kits are inside. Seeing animals exposed to the elements also reminds me of how good we humans have got it.

My Pet Peeve

Sometimes I think about my blog and wonder what I should write about. I don't like to go more than a few days without updating it, so I was pondering this today at Wal-Mart, of all places, when it occured to me that I should write about my pet peeve -- the thing that bugs me more than anything else in the universe -- namely, gigantic toilet paper dispensers in public restrooms that are bolted to the wall three inches above the baseboard.





I remember when these endless spools of paper-thin toilet tissue replaced perfectly good but otherwise ordinary dispensers in public restrooms everywhere. In addition to holding a year's supply of toilet tissue, these dispensers were supposed to be better because they were 'handicap accessible.' I would like to meet the contortionist disabled person whose arm bends between the wrist and the elbow to turn the wheel and tear off squares of tissue one at a time because the paper's perforation is infinitely weaker than the weight of the wheel itself. Am I making any sense here? Can anyone else relate?!!!

And heaven forbid I should have to switch plates on the bottom of the dispenser to access paper on the supplementary roll. It's virtually impossible to break the code and not get your fingers caught in the triangular plastic teeth of the thing.

The entire system seems designed to a) conserve toilet paper (Cheryl Crow would definitely approve) b) prevent toilet paper theft (Who's going to carry a 20# roll of paper our in her purse?) c) reduce the odds of having to ask the stranger in the next stall for toilet paper, and d) extend the time between restroom cleanings.

Here's an idea - rather than having the top of the dispenser situated as an arm rest so that paper is dispensed just above the ankle, why not mount it higher on the wall? If I could see where the paper comes out, I might be able to dispense it.

Maybe I need to buy a larger purse so that I can carry a personal roll of Charmin everywhere I go.

Or maybe I should just count my blessings that this is the biggest issue I have to complain about at the moment. Life is good. As I read in an obituary this morning: If I were to die today, life wouldn't owe me a nickle.