Frivolousness

Let me see if I can explain this emotion I have from time to time, this sense that I am not taking life, or, more specifically, life’s blessings, seriously enough.

I first recognized it when my children and I were sitting ducks in a car crash and our minivan – the most beautiful minivan I had ever seen – was totaled at both ends and completely destroyed. I was thrilled to be alive, of course – and especially that all of my children were alive and virtually unscathed. I would gladly have sacrificed ALL of my material possessions for that outcome. So I was surprised when days later I felt a sense of loss. It wasn’t really that I had lost the minivan – we were already at work replacing it – it was that I had never fully appreciated it.

We give our time and resources to people, activities, and, yes, even to 'things' that are important to us: the people we love, the activities that bring us joy, and the things that serve us or make our lives better, like our homes and our cars. In my life, 'things’ always fall to the bottom of the list, as I believe they should, but I do wish I knew how to appreciate things more.

A few years ago Scott and I were driving down State Street in Salt Lake when we pulled alongside a 1970-something small pickup truck. Neither of us is a car-afficianado at all, but we both noticed it for its immaculate condition. It was a hideous orange color with a crisp white camper shell and shiny windows. The woman driving it had white hair - probably the original owner. The truck itself must have spent every night in a hermetically sealed garage. She probably vacuumed it weekly, gave it sponge baths on schedule, and parked far away from store entrances to avoid door dings. I was awestruck, admiring this woman and her truck, even as I told myself that she was undoubtedly a perfectionist who led a tortured existence in an effort to preserve all of her possessions indefinitely - that having a 30-year-old car that looked brand new really would not be worth the sacrifices she had made along the way, even if a complete stranger is blogging about the experience of seeing it years later.

Obviously, I still have a lot to work out on this subject. I reassure myself that things are only there to give us pleasure, so I should not allow them to give me even a moment of angst.