I am at my desk, my fingers poised over the keyboard. The telphone, my cell phone, the ceiling fan control, and the channel changer are all within my reach. My daily planner is at my right elbow clipped open to today. The printer/copier/scanner/fax is blinking at the ready within inches of my head. Sitting here at command control, I am ready for anything.
It's kind of ridiculous, really. Is it any wonder that I find it difficult to relax?
Over our traditional Saturday lunch, Scott noticed that my left hand was clinched into a fist for no apparent reason. Thoughts are flying through my head of things that need doing, errands that need running, dreams lying dormant that might be safely awakened on a bright, sunny, unscheduled Saturday in February. Do I have time to do this...or that? Everything seems possible and impossible at the same time. I'm like a computer revving, revving, revving just to keep the screensaver running. I feel like a marathon runner who is jogging in place.
These are my options:
do something
take a nap
sit here and keep checking things on the computer
clean out the pantry
process laundry (the ongoing struggle)
organize the disastrous coat closet
write
blog
cook something for tomorrow's Super Bowl extravaganza
bake something for tomorrow's Super Bowl extravaganza
read
go to a movie
I think the problem is that I have operated under so much stress over the last few weeks that having a free day actually freaks me out.
In not wanting to waste it, I am wasting it.
1 comment:
I find it the same with me--relaxing makes me feel guilty. Being less than productive is not acceptable, though I often am, but because I see it as an "evil", I do not enjoy it. I am a dog chasing its own tail.
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