Six More Weeks of Summer

I realized one week ago today, the day of the solar eclipse, that I am kind of the seasonal opposite of Punxsutawney Phil, the prognosticating groundhog from Pennsylvania, but instead of forecasting how many more weeks of winter we must endure, I am speculating about summer and how much longer (*shudder*) it could go on.

As much as I try to love all four seasons (because how awful would it be to dislike a full quarter of the year?), I simply have never been able to enjoy summer much. It's blast-furnace hot all day, and just when it starts to cool down, the mosquitos come out threatening everyone with West Nile virus and spoiling the evening. Yes, it's nice in the middle of the night when it's cool and the stars are shining in a mercifully sunless, typically cloudless sky, but I'm usually asleep then.

I remember enjoying summer a little bit more when I was in elementary school and spent every free moment at the community swimming pool. If I got too warm, I just jumped into the water.  If I got too hungry, I bought something at the snack bar with my "underwater tea party" friends. Time flew by at the pool, and life was good.

But one summer hour at home is roughly the equivalent of a whole evening at home during the schoolyear. A teenaged babysitter taught me to crochet one summer -- a skill I probably would not have learned any other time of year. I read a lot of books and drew a lot of pictures and watched a lot of reruns of Gilligan's Island and Leave It to Beaver on afternoon television, but I could only take so much unstructured time before becoming listless. To alleviate the boredom, my family would go to Kansas City Royals games or pile into the car for spontaneous weekend road trips -- most memorably due north from Kansas City to the Apostle Islands in Lake Superior. Ahhhh, I loved everything about Wisconsin, especially the cool, dense forests.

In retrospect, I've never really wanted to vacation on a tropical beach anywhere (though I have enjoyed such vacations.)  I've always wanted to go further and further north. Despite seeing wild bears everywhere (one of my phobias), I was perfectly at home in the Yukon Territory. Given enough bear repellant, I could easily summer there.

At least once every summer as a child I visited my grandparents and cousins in Quincy, Illinois, a town surrounded by cornfields on the Mississippi River. It has to be one of the most humid places on earth, with all of the corn "sweating," as corn does, and the deep, slow river evaporating. A short afternoon walk to Zim's for a soda or to Deter's for ice cream was made bearable by the shade of large trees. I remember becoming physically ill at church in Quincy because of this dome of humidity. The Mormon church in town back then did not have air conditioning, and a folded paper fan can only do so much to cool a body down.

I was home alone during the eclipse, so I took a break to sit outside for half an hour and watch the event unfold through a makeshift pinhole contraption that didn't actually work. (Fortunately my neighbor called me over to look through his welding helmet.)

While I sat there baking in the sun I realized how rare it is for me to be outside this time of year. I tend to stay underground, like Punxsatawney Phil, unless forced out by once-in-a-lifetime celestial events.

The bad news is, I saw my shadow, which may mean six more weeks of summer. The good news is that it will then be fall -- my favorite season of them all.

Grief and the Charmed Life

Souvenir shops everywhere sell charms, small amulets you attach to the delicate links of a bracelet to indicate where you've been and what you did there, or what you saw. The small trinkets dangling from the bracelet serve as memory goads to recall past experiences, each one telling a story lest we forget delightful vacations and events that we want to remember.

But what if we received charms for all of our experiences, good and bad? By the time we are old, our bracelets would be heavy and thick and we would clink and jingle with every movement.

All of the charms on our life bracelets would be valuable, but some would be more valuable than others. Some would be small and bright, the stories behind them easily forgotten. Some would be pure gold.

I thought of this analogy today after messaging with a friend who lost her healthy young son to a sudden illness. She will not need a charm to remember this experience, because she misses him every day. She struggles to live without him, and she knows that she will always struggle to live without him. The pangs of grief will likely become less frequent over time, but they will still come, unpredictably and with full intensity. This will happen for the rest of her life. Because of the loss of her son, she has become acquainted with grief, like the Savior himself. And while no one would wish to have a charm like that, it would be impossible to calculate the value of it.

Some quotes on grief: 

I walked a mile with pleasure, She chattered all the way but left me none the wiser For all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow And ne'er a word said she But oh the things I learned from her When Sorrow walked with me.  – Robert Browning Hamilton

Grief turns out to be a place none of us knows until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind. We might expect that we will be prostrate, inconsolable, crazy with loss. We do not expect to be literally crazy, cool customers who believe their husband is about to return and need his shoes. - Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude. - Thornton Wilder

There is a connection between heaven and earth. Finding that connection gives meaning to everything, including death. Missing it makes everything meaningless, including life. – John H. Groberg

Moving to Mayberry

I’m thinking about moving to Mayberry. I’ve been vacationing there for years, retreating through random episodes of The Andy Griffith Show on the DVR whenever I’ve needed a different time or place or sense or pace. But lately, in the turbulent world of 2017 America, with no where to turn for news and fewer and fewer places to go for entertainment, I find myself going to Mayberry more and more – whenever I’m walking on the treadmill, for example, or sorting socks, or doing any number of mundane household tasks. There is something about Mayberry that is comforting and reassuring and stands in stark contrast with the modern world.

But, you may say, Mayberry doesn’t exist – and  it never did exist. It’s a figment of someone’s imagination. I know, I know, but now it is also a permanent fixture of mine.

I suppose the main thing I love about Mayberry is its people. They’re all characters in every sense of the word. I credit The Andy Griffith Show, along with Mark Twain, Harper Lee, and a few others, with my lifelong delight in quirky characters. And every character in Mayberry is mostly good.

Who could be more honorable and empathetic than Sheriff Taylor? More domestically talented than Aunt Bee? More innocent than Opie? More dedicated and well-meaning than Barney Fife? More long-suffering than Thelma Lou? More devoted than Helen Crump?

Even the show’s troublemakers are endearing, like Otis Campbell, the town drunk who lets himself into jail whenever he’s had too much moonshine.  Or Ernest T. Bass, the hillbilly who throws rocks through windows to announce his arrival in town.

I’d like to sit on the Taylor’s porch on a summer evening and listen to Andy play his guitar. I’d like to go to Wally’s Filling Station to buy a bottle of soda and say hey to Goober.  And I would be delighted to get a ticket for jaywalking from Deputy Barney Fife.

I never saw The Andy Griffith Show on primetime television, but watched it years later in after-school reruns sandwiched between Gilligan’s Island and Leave It to Beaver. Maybe that’s why Mayberry so imprinted on my brain. I must associate it with after-school snacks and perfect peace.

People often complain about the effects of television on young people’s minds, and I would agree that most kids watch too much TV and the vast majority of programs on television are not worth watching, but I am grateful that I paid attention to The Andy Griffith Show. Even as a child, I sensed that it was idealistic, but what is wrong with focusing on the ideal? The ideal may serve as a model for the real.

When the world of 2017 feels inhospitable, even acidic at times, join me in cueing up an episode of The Andy Griffith Show and feel the stress of modern living melt away. 

Waiting

I seem to spend A LOT of time waiting. I think I wait more than most people, but that isn't always a bad thing.

I've been waiting outside of schools since my oldest child started Kindergarten over 20 years ago. He emerged from the think tank of his classroom on the first day to report that they had learned about bears. "What did you learn about bears?" I asked curiously, since I had taught him almost everything he knew to that point in his young life. I knew that his learning trajectory would not always involve me from that point forward. "They eat fish, and berries," Taylor said. "Lots of berries." Hmm, I could have taught him that.

I am still waiting for my children and learning what they are learning.When I pick my son up from light rail after his classes at the U, we discuss Shakespeare, Medieval lit, and economics. That's a good trade-off.

Our youngest child, though licensed, does not have a vehicle of her own, so I spend part of each day waiting for her. [She has taken the bus to and from school exactly once. That is partly because she has always attended schools outside of our boundaries until last year.] If I am not carting her to and from school, I am carting her stuff -- forgotten rehearsal clothes, for example, or a quick snack on 13 hour days to tide her over until dinner. Because she is very appreciative, I like being available in her hours of need, and I like being the first one to hear her assessment of each day. "How was escuela?" I ask daily, and she begins. That's the payoff of waiting.

I've accumulated a lot of hours waiting for my husband to come home from work. I've waited for him to finish rehearsals and performances. On one occasion, I even waited for him to join the children and me on a vacation already in progress.

I've waited for loved ones to come out of surgery. I've waited for pregnancy tests and biopsy results. I've waited for babies to be born. I've waited for bad news, and I've waited for good news.

I've waited on waiters. I've waited for the curtain to go up. I've waited for Christmas. I've waited for countless bells to ring.

I've spent whole days and nights in airports waiting. I've waited on subway platforms, in train stations, in ferry lines, and in cruise terminals. And it goes without saying that I've waited in a lot of lines at grocery stores and the DMV.

So I have to conclude that waiting is part of living, and that living is waiting, in a way. Good things come to those who wait, especially those who wait upon the Lord. (Isaiah 40:31) It appears that, despite the best efforts of would-be efficiency experts like myself, the universe is not intended to run smoothly and on schedule all the time.

I've experienced the frustrations of waiting so many times over my lifetime that it has brought me to this realization: the best thing we can do to endure inevitable and unpredictable periods of waiting is cultivate patience, because patience is a virtue and a divine attribute, and [here's the main point] because we ourselves are happier when we are patient. Everyone around us is happier, too.

While waiting, it's helpful to keep the mind meaningfully engaged. Waiting gives us opportunities to think, to pray, to write, to learn, to doodle, to read, to dream, to plan, even to create.

Some quotes on waiting:

All human wisdom can be summed up in two words: wait and hope. – Alexander Dumas

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is not. – Henry Van Dyke (1852-1933) 

Beyond myself, somewhere I wait for my arrival. – Octavio Paz, "The Balcony"

They also serve who only stand and wait. -- John Milton, "When I Consider How My Light Is Spent"

HOME: There's No Place Like It in the World!

[There is so much to say about HOME! But here are some of my thoughts on the subject, and some other people's thoughts as well. I wrote this post back in the fall -- thus the autumn decor.]

As a child, I moved a lot, always in the same metro area, because, as the Temptations song says, "Papa was a rolling stone." (My "papa" is 79 now and still restless, wanting to move every few months. I now understand the vagabond nature of my childhood.)

Our family lived in various apartments, townhomes, duplexes, regular houses, and farmhouses in and around Kansas City (both sides of the state line). We lived in the city, the suburbs, and the countryside. In the fourth grade, I attended three different schools, for example, in three different school districts. By necessity, I learned to adapt.

The Temptations song continues: "Wherever he laid his hat was his home."

Home is wherever you are -- wherever the people you love and the people who love you are -- regardless of the home's shape, size, cost, decor, etc. I have even felt at home in hotel rooms while traveling -- the sanctuary of a secure, designated place to rest and regroup.

Home is a special place by virtue of the fact that you belong there.

Who hasn't come in from bad weather or from a difficult day and felt the contentment of arriving at home?

Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. -- John Howard Payne, 1823

Some quotes about home:

To us our house was not an unsentient matter – it had a heart and soul and eyes to see us with, and approvals and solicitudes and deep sympathies. It was of us and we were in its confidence and lived in its grace and in the peace of its benediction. We never came home from an absence that its face did not light up and speak out its eloquent welcome – and we could not enter it unmoved. -- Mark Twain on his mansion in Hartford, Connecticut

If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. – William Morris, English designer and philosopher

This is the true nature of home — it is the place of Peace; the shelter, not only from all injury, but from all terror, doubt, and division. In so far as it is not this, it is not home; so far as the anxieties of the outer life penetrate into it, and the inconsistently-minded, unknown, unloved, or hostile society of the outer world is allowed by either husband or wife to cross the threshold, it ceases to be home; it is then only a part of that outer world which you have roofed over, and lighted fire in. But so far as it is a sacred place, a vestal temple, a temple of the hearth watched over by Household Gods, before those faces none may come but those whom they can receive with love, — so far as it is this, and roof and fire are types only of a nobler shade and light, — ...so far it vindicates the name, and fulfills the praise, of home. – John Ruskin

The reality of the house is order / The blessing of the house is community / The glory of the house is hospitality / The crown of the house is godliness. – Frank Lloyd Wright

His house was perfect, whether you liked food, or sleep, or work, or story-telling, or singing, or just sitting and thinking, best, or a pleasant mixture of them all. -- J.R.R. Tolkein, The Hobbit

There is a mystical virtue in right angles. There is an unspoken morality in seeking the level and the pumb. A house will stand, a table will bear weight, the sides of a box will hold together only if the joints are square and the members upright. When a bubble is lined up between the two marks etched in the glass tube of the level, you have aligned yourself with the forces that hold the universe together. -- Scott Russell Sanders, The Paradise of Bombs, University of Georgia Press:

If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. If there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world. – Chinese Proverb

To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition. – Samuel Johnson

Home should be an anchor, a port in a storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell.  Home should be where life’s greatest lessons are taught and learned.  Home can be the center of one’s earthly faith, where love and responsibility are appropriately blended.  – Marvin J. Ashton, L.D.S. General Authority

He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The righteous woman may save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary…in the midst of storm and strife. – Spencer W. Kimball, L.D.S. Church President

The affection and thoughtfulness required in the HOME are no abstract exercises in love, no mere rhetoric concerning some distant human cause. Family life is an encounter with raw selfishness, with the need for civility, of taking turns, of being hurt and yet forgiving, and of being at the mercy of others’ moods. Family life is a constant challenge, not a periodic performance we can render on a stage and then run for the privacy of the dressing room to be alone with ourselves. The HOME gives us our greatest chance, however, to align our public and private behavior, to reduce the hypocrisy of our lives – to become more congruent with Christ. – Neal A. Maxwell, L.D.S. General Authority 

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a HOUSE of PRAYER, a house of FASTING, a house of FAITH, a house of LEARNING, a house of GLORY, a house of ORDER, a house of GOD. -- L.D.S. Doctrine & Covenants 109:8

On Friendship

Some QUOTES on FRIENDSHIP with my thoughts:

I praise the Frenchman – his remark was shrewd, / How sweet, how passing sweet is solitude! / But grant me still a friend in my retreat to whom I may whisper, Solitude is sweet! – William Cowper (1731-1800)

[I enjoy solitude more than most people, but I also love spending time with friends.]

But oh the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearless on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. – Dinah Maria Mulock Craik(1866)
[This sort of friend is very, very rare and special.]

A true friend unbossoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably. – William Penn
[Funny how you never think of historical figures like William Penn having friends.]


A friend is, as it were, a second self. – Cicero
[An amazing observation for someone born in 106 BC, proving that wisdom is timeless.]


A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
[Emerson is on the short list of famous people I hope to meet in the hereafter.]


True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in the worth and choice. – Ben Jonson
[True, true, true, though I think happiness is much broader than friendship.]

I am, and till then, and ever after will be your admirer and friend and lover. - John Adams, writing to wife Abigail

[The joy of being married to your best friend!] 

Is there a dearer name than friend? If there is, teach it to me. – Abigail Adams, writing to husband John several years after their marriage

[Oh, I love this! I adore John and Abigail Adams' relationship.] 

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to us when we discover that someone else believes in us

and is willing to trust us with their friendship. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

[To be spiritually inspired by a friend is a wonderful thing!]

A Morning Epiphany: Self Control

Violinist at Pike's Market in Seattle (July 2014) 

My first thought of the day is often my best, most inspired thought. Today as I sat up in bed it occurred to me that one of the things I admire most in others (and in myself, when I achieve it) is SELF CONTROL. People are wonderful and great and beautifully unique for many reasons, but when you think about it, self control is a quality that compels admiration. Self control is often the precursor to and the antecedent of success in almost any endeavor.

People succeed when they force themselves to do what others do not. If they go to work each day and work hard, they will most likely have a successful career. If they structure their life around eating properly and exercising, they will be fit. If they finish a course of study, they will receive degrees. If they clean their house, their house is clean (at least for a minute).

Self control, then, is a kind of magic that isn't shrouded in mystery. It doesn't rely on fate or destiny. If you want something, you do something, even if it's something you don't necessarily want to do. Sometimes you have to do it for years and years and years. Sometimes you can summon enough self-control to finish an undesirable task in one day (clean out the garage) or one hour (sort the laundry) or one minute (make a difficult phone call) and reap the rewards immediately.

If we aspire to succeed at anything, self control will most likely be a part of the process. If we instead give into personal weaknesses, we may be thrown off the path.

Some related thoughts from my Quote Collection: 

The most fundamental and illustrious of our occupations is to live each day. To compose our character is our duty…to bring order and tranquility into our lives. There is nothing so beautiful and legitimate as to play the man well and properly. As we learn to control our persons, we ready ourselves for greater responsibilities. – Michael Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)

I was finally forced (by MS) to learn the lesson that many people had already learned: We are not in control of everything in life. Life is like a stained glass window. Parts of it are gloriously colorful and bright, while other parts are dark, and the dark and dreary places are the ones that bind us together. – Tamara Hall, motivational speaker, 1999


Good habits, which bring our lower passions and appetites under automatic control, leave our natures free to explore the larger experiences of life. Too many of us divide and dissipate our energies in debating actions which should be taken for granted. – Ralph W. Sockman 

The intelligent want self-control; children want candy.- Mevlana Rumi

There is no chance, no fate, no destiny that can circumvent, hinder, or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. – Unknown

Liberty is the prevention of control by others. This requires self-control and, therefore, religious and spiritual influences; education, knowledge, well-being. -- Simon Wolf

We have more control over happiness than we think and don't have to be like a buoy to life's whims — we can choose to be an anchor that doesn't get knocked around every time things get tough. -- Stephanie Meade

The most difficult thing is the decision to act – the rest is merely tenacity. Fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life. The process is its own reward. Adventure is worthwhile in itself. -Amelia Earhart

Dear Abby's definition of maturity: “This is maturity: To be able to stick with a job until it’s finished; to do one’s duty without being supervised; to be able to carry money without spending it; and to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.”