Waiting

I seem to spend A LOT of time waiting. I think I wait more than most people, but that isn't always a bad thing.

I've been waiting outside of schools since my oldest child started Kindergarten over 20 years ago. He emerged from the think tank of his classroom on the first day to report that they had learned about bears. "What did you learn about bears?" I asked curiously, since I had taught him almost everything he knew to that point in his young life. I knew that his learning trajectory would not always involve me from that point forward. "They eat fish, and berries," Taylor said. "Lots of berries." Hmm, I could have taught him that.

I am still waiting for my children and learning what they are learning.When I pick my son up from light rail after his classes at the U, we discuss Shakespeare, Medieval lit, and economics. That's a good trade-off.

Our youngest child, though licensed, does not have a vehicle of her own, so I spend part of each day waiting for her. [She has taken the bus to and from school exactly once. That is partly because she has always attended schools outside of our boundaries until last year.] If I am not carting her to and from school, I am carting her stuff -- forgotten rehearsal clothes, for example, or a quick snack on 13 hour days to tide her over until dinner. Because she is very appreciative, I like being available in her hours of need, and I like being the first one to hear her assessment of each day. "How was escuela?" I ask daily, and she begins. That's the payoff of waiting.

I've accumulated a lot of hours waiting for my husband to come home from work. I've waited for him to finish rehearsals and performances. On one occasion, I even waited for him to join the children and me on a vacation already in progress.

I've waited for loved ones to come out of surgery. I've waited for pregnancy tests and biopsy results. I've waited for babies to be born. I've waited for bad news, and I've waited for good news.

I've waited on waiters. I've waited for the curtain to go up. I've waited for Christmas. I've waited for countless bells to ring.

I've spent whole days and nights in airports waiting. I've waited on subway platforms, in train stations, in ferry lines, and in cruise terminals. And it goes without saying that I've waited in a lot of lines at grocery stores and the DMV.

So I have to conclude that waiting is part of living, and that living is waiting, in a way. Good things come to those who wait, especially those who wait upon the Lord. (Isaiah 40:31) It appears that, despite the best efforts of would-be efficiency experts like myself, the universe is not intended to run smoothly and on schedule all the time.

I've experienced the frustrations of waiting so many times over my lifetime that it has brought me to this realization: the best thing we can do to endure inevitable and unpredictable periods of waiting is cultivate patience, because patience is a virtue and a divine attribute, and [here's the main point] because we ourselves are happier when we are patient. Everyone around us is happier, too.

While waiting, it's helpful to keep the mind meaningfully engaged. Waiting gives us opportunities to think, to pray, to write, to learn, to doodle, to read, to dream, to plan, even to create.

Some quotes on waiting:

All human wisdom can be summed up in two words: wait and hope. – Alexander Dumas

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is not. – Henry Van Dyke (1852-1933) 

Beyond myself, somewhere I wait for my arrival. – Octavio Paz, "The Balcony"

They also serve who only stand and wait. -- John Milton, "When I Consider How My Light Is Spent"

HOME: There's No Place Like It in the World!

[There is so much to say about HOME! But here are some of my thoughts on the subject, and some other people's thoughts as well. I wrote this post back in the fall -- thus the autumn decor.]

As a child, I moved a lot, always in the same metro area, because, as the Temptations song says, "Papa was a rolling stone." (My "papa" is 79 now and still restless, wanting to move every few months. I now understand the vagabond nature of my childhood.)

Our family lived in various apartments, townhomes, duplexes, regular houses, and farmhouses in and around Kansas City (both sides of the state line). We lived in the city, the suburbs, and the countryside. In the fourth grade, I attended three different schools, for example, in three different school districts. By necessity, I learned to adapt.

The Temptations song continues: "Wherever he laid his hat was his home."

Home is wherever you are -- wherever the people you love and the people who love you are -- regardless of the home's shape, size, cost, decor, etc. I have even felt at home in hotel rooms while traveling -- the sanctuary of a secure, designated place to rest and regroup.

Home is a special place by virtue of the fact that you belong there.

Who hasn't come in from bad weather or from a difficult day and felt the contentment of arriving at home?

Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. -- John Howard Payne, 1823

Some quotes about home:

To us our house was not an unsentient matter – it had a heart and soul and eyes to see us with, and approvals and solicitudes and deep sympathies. It was of us and we were in its confidence and lived in its grace and in the peace of its benediction. We never came home from an absence that its face did not light up and speak out its eloquent welcome – and we could not enter it unmoved. -- Mark Twain on his mansion in Hartford, Connecticut

If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. – William Morris, English designer and philosopher

This is the true nature of home — it is the place of Peace; the shelter, not only from all injury, but from all terror, doubt, and division. In so far as it is not this, it is not home; so far as the anxieties of the outer life penetrate into it, and the inconsistently-minded, unknown, unloved, or hostile society of the outer world is allowed by either husband or wife to cross the threshold, it ceases to be home; it is then only a part of that outer world which you have roofed over, and lighted fire in. But so far as it is a sacred place, a vestal temple, a temple of the hearth watched over by Household Gods, before those faces none may come but those whom they can receive with love, — so far as it is this, and roof and fire are types only of a nobler shade and light, — ...so far it vindicates the name, and fulfills the praise, of home. – John Ruskin

The reality of the house is order / The blessing of the house is community / The glory of the house is hospitality / The crown of the house is godliness. – Frank Lloyd Wright

His house was perfect, whether you liked food, or sleep, or work, or story-telling, or singing, or just sitting and thinking, best, or a pleasant mixture of them all. -- J.R.R. Tolkein, The Hobbit

There is a mystical virtue in right angles. There is an unspoken morality in seeking the level and the pumb. A house will stand, a table will bear weight, the sides of a box will hold together only if the joints are square and the members upright. When a bubble is lined up between the two marks etched in the glass tube of the level, you have aligned yourself with the forces that hold the universe together. -- Scott Russell Sanders, The Paradise of Bombs, University of Georgia Press:

If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. If there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world. – Chinese Proverb

To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition. – Samuel Johnson

Home should be an anchor, a port in a storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell.  Home should be where life’s greatest lessons are taught and learned.  Home can be the center of one’s earthly faith, where love and responsibility are appropriately blended.  – Marvin J. Ashton, L.D.S. General Authority

He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The righteous woman may save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary…in the midst of storm and strife. – Spencer W. Kimball, L.D.S. Church President

The affection and thoughtfulness required in the HOME are no abstract exercises in love, no mere rhetoric concerning some distant human cause. Family life is an encounter with raw selfishness, with the need for civility, of taking turns, of being hurt and yet forgiving, and of being at the mercy of others’ moods. Family life is a constant challenge, not a periodic performance we can render on a stage and then run for the privacy of the dressing room to be alone with ourselves. The HOME gives us our greatest chance, however, to align our public and private behavior, to reduce the hypocrisy of our lives – to become more congruent with Christ. – Neal A. Maxwell, L.D.S. General Authority 

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a HOUSE of PRAYER, a house of FASTING, a house of FAITH, a house of LEARNING, a house of GLORY, a house of ORDER, a house of GOD. -- L.D.S. Doctrine & Covenants 109:8

On Friendship

Some QUOTES on FRIENDSHIP with my thoughts:

I praise the Frenchman – his remark was shrewd, / How sweet, how passing sweet is solitude! / But grant me still a friend in my retreat to whom I may whisper, Solitude is sweet! – William Cowper (1731-1800)

[I enjoy solitude more than most people, but I also love spending time with friends.]

But oh the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearless on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. – Dinah Maria Mulock Craik(1866)
[This sort of friend is very, very rare and special.]

A true friend unbossoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably. – William Penn
[Funny how you never think of historical figures like William Penn having friends.]


A friend is, as it were, a second self. – Cicero
[An amazing observation for someone born in 106 BC, proving that wisdom is timeless.]


A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
[Emerson is on the short list of famous people I hope to meet in the hereafter.]


True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in the worth and choice. – Ben Jonson
[True, true, true, though I think happiness is much broader than friendship.]

I am, and till then, and ever after will be your admirer and friend and lover. - John Adams, writing to wife Abigail

[The joy of being married to your best friend!] 

Is there a dearer name than friend? If there is, teach it to me. – Abigail Adams, writing to husband John several years after their marriage

[Oh, I love this! I adore John and Abigail Adams' relationship.] 

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to us when we discover that someone else believes in us

and is willing to trust us with their friendship. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

[To be spiritually inspired by a friend is a wonderful thing!]

A Morning Epiphany: Self Control

Violinist at Pike's Market in Seattle (July 2014) 

My first thought of the day is often my best, most inspired thought. Today as I sat up in bed it occurred to me that one of the things I admire most in others (and in myself, when I achieve it) is SELF CONTROL. People are wonderful and great and beautifully unique for many reasons, but when you think about it, self control is a quality that compels admiration. Self control is often the precursor to and the antecedent of success in almost any endeavor.

People succeed when they force themselves to do what others do not. If they go to work each day and work hard, they will most likely have a successful career. If they structure their life around eating properly and exercising, they will be fit. If they finish a course of study, they will receive degrees. If they clean their house, their house is clean (at least for a minute).

Self control, then, is a kind of magic that isn't shrouded in mystery. It doesn't rely on fate or destiny. If you want something, you do something, even if it's something you don't necessarily want to do. Sometimes you have to do it for years and years and years. Sometimes you can summon enough self-control to finish an undesirable task in one day (clean out the garage) or one hour (sort the laundry) or one minute (make a difficult phone call) and reap the rewards immediately.

If we aspire to succeed at anything, self control will most likely be a part of the process. If we instead give into personal weaknesses, we may be thrown off the path.

Some related thoughts from my Quote Collection: 

The most fundamental and illustrious of our occupations is to live each day. To compose our character is our duty…to bring order and tranquility into our lives. There is nothing so beautiful and legitimate as to play the man well and properly. As we learn to control our persons, we ready ourselves for greater responsibilities. – Michael Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)

I was finally forced (by MS) to learn the lesson that many people had already learned: We are not in control of everything in life. Life is like a stained glass window. Parts of it are gloriously colorful and bright, while other parts are dark, and the dark and dreary places are the ones that bind us together. – Tamara Hall, motivational speaker, 1999


Good habits, which bring our lower passions and appetites under automatic control, leave our natures free to explore the larger experiences of life. Too many of us divide and dissipate our energies in debating actions which should be taken for granted. – Ralph W. Sockman 

The intelligent want self-control; children want candy.- Mevlana Rumi

There is no chance, no fate, no destiny that can circumvent, hinder, or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. – Unknown

Liberty is the prevention of control by others. This requires self-control and, therefore, religious and spiritual influences; education, knowledge, well-being. -- Simon Wolf

We have more control over happiness than we think and don't have to be like a buoy to life's whims — we can choose to be an anchor that doesn't get knocked around every time things get tough. -- Stephanie Meade

The most difficult thing is the decision to act – the rest is merely tenacity. Fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life. The process is its own reward. Adventure is worthwhile in itself. -Amelia Earhart

Dear Abby's definition of maturity: “This is maturity: To be able to stick with a job until it’s finished; to do one’s duty without being supervised; to be able to carry money without spending it; and to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.”

Back to the Future for News

About two years ago I cancelled my subscription to the newspaper for several reasons:

1. No one takes the newspaper anymore. It's old-fashioned. Newspapers everywhere are literally (and figuratively) folding. I would need to get with the times and go digital like everyone else under 80. 
2. Because of our busy lives, several issues each week went unread, and some of them did not even make it into the house on the day they were delivered. One ended up jamming our neighbor's snowblower when he tried to clear our driveway after a heavy storm. That was embarrassing. 
3. Our local newspaper stopped sponsoring "Itty Bitty Salt Lake City," a search and find contest in which the paper published 20-24 pictures of small things in a four square block area downtown every September. Participants were given a month to identify the location of each item (cracks in the sidewalk, peeling paint on an old phone booth, panes of leaded glass, etc.) and submit their answers to be entered for some not very glamorous prizes. It was absolutely addicting, a favorite family tradition and pastime. Even though our eyeballs dried out each week searching with such intensity, we all loved it and often met people on the streets looking for the same things we were. It was a game everyone in the family could play. When the "Itty Bitty" clues were not published one fall, I called the newspaper to express my disappointment, but they were unmoved. I made an idle threat that I would most likely cancel my subscription, then six months later, I finally did.

But this week, after reading yet another article about how addicting Facebook is and what a time-suck it is, I analyzed why I spend more time than I would like to admit on Facebook and realized I am hungering and thirsting for news. ANY kind of news: personal, social, political, religious...I crave information!

People read Facebook because they have FOMO (fear of missing out), yet when I read Facebook it often confirms IHAMO (I have already missed out!) As an avid newspaper reader for decades, I felt informed. I didn't just get a snippet of information or a snarky summary of an event -- I got the whole story told as objectively and completely as possible.

My crossword puzzle last night.

So this week, I re-subscribed.

It is the most luxurious feeling in the world to have something delivered to your home seven days a week that only costs about 50 cents a day. I bring it in from the cold in its colorful breadsack bag, and it smells fresh and crisp and inky. When I spread it out on the table just beyond my cereal bowl, I see one square yard of news, then turn the page and see another.

But one of the best things about taking the newspaper again is the New York Times crossword puzzle. Oh, how I have missed it! When I cancelled the paper, I promised myself that I would buy NYT crossword puzzles already bound at Barnes & Noble, but it isn't the same experience. When I am working on that day's puzzle in its original newsprint form, I know that thousands of people around the world are puzzling over the same clues I am. It's simply more satisfying.

So if you have been socially guilted into going digital and reading all of your news on electronic tablets and microscopic phone screens, you might enjoy being a retro renegade like me.

Like sands through the hourglass...

I tend to ask for strange things for Christmas, and after a few years of making these strange requests, my husband usually buys them for me and I cherish them. (I know -- from a feminist perspective, I should probably buy them for myself, but because I know that I will cherish them, I like them to come from him.)

In previous years I have asked for and received a bushel basket and a shepherd's hook, for example, both symbolic items that are full of meaning to me.

The strangest item on this year's wish list was a good, old-fashioned hourglass. Not a 30-minute glass, or a stopwatch or anything mechanical that ticks or tocks - a real hourglass. Before he bought it for me, he asked me why? Why did I want an hourglass?

[Pictured: The hourglass Scott gave me showing exactly how much time this blog post took from beginning to end.]

It was difficult to explain.

I have long had a suspicion that I'm living in the wrong century. Not that God made a mistake, of course, but that I am living in 2016 as a sort of compromise between the 1800s, when I might have been born, and the 2100s when my husband might have been born. Maybe we mutually agreed to be born in the latter half of the 20th century. Just a theory, but who knows? It could be true.

Anyway, I am comfortable with an hourglass. It doesn't buzz at me or make any noise. Even holding it close to my ear, I can't hear the sand trickling down. I can look at it and see, without numbers or mathematics of any kind, how much time I have remaining in my task. No calculations necessary, or possible. It is a purely visual way of tracking time.

An hourglass is a useful thing if you need to do something very quiet on a regular basis for one hour, like writing.

A few quotes on HOURS:

Don’t say you don’t have enough time.  You have exactly the same number of HOURS per day that were given to Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life’s Little Instruction Book

An HOUR’s industry will do more to produce cheerfulness, suppress evil humors, and retrieve your affairs than a month’s moaning. – Ben Franklin

One of the illusions is that the present HOUR is not the critical, decisive HOUR.  Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. – Emerson

From John Dryden, English writer “Happy the Man”:

Happy the man, and happy he alone

Who can call today his own:

He who, secure within, can say,

Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today!

Be fair or foul or rain or shine,

The joys I have possessed, in spite of fate,, are mine.

Not heaven itself upon the past has power,

But what has been, has been, and

I have had my HOUR. 

RESEARCH NOTES: Hourglasses were not invented until about 150 BC. I would have thought they were older than that! In 1519, the explorer, Ferdinand Magellan, took 18 hourglasses with him as he sailed from Barcelona to circumnavigate the globe. A page would flip the hourglasses every 60 minutes to ensure the accuracy of the captain's logs. The hourglass remains a symbol of time today, most frequently on electronic screens to indicate that the computer is engaged in a time-consuming process.

Quotes and Thoughts on BEGINNING

Every journey ends at the BEGINning of another journey. - Anonymous

One who fears failure limits his worth. Failure is the opportunity to BEGIN again more intelligently. – Henry Ford

It is better to BEGIN in the evening than not at all. – English proverb

You can’t solve every problem, particularly if the problem isn’t yours to BEGIN with. – Dear Abby

The BEGINning is the most important part of the work.  – Plato

Attention is the BEGINning of devotion."-  Mary Oliver

To love oneself is the BEGINning of a life-long romance. – Oscar Wilde

The journey of a thousand miles BEGINs with one step. – Lao-tse

Now this is not the end. It is not even the BEGINning of the end.  But it is, perhaps, the end of the BEGINning. – Winston Churchill

Don’t despair. The world is round. What looks like the end may only be the BEGINning. – Unknown

But this revolutionary act of treating ourselves tenderly can BEGIN to undo the aversive messages of a lifetime. - Tara Brach 

Peace BEGINs with a smile. - Mother Teresa 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good BEGINning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Everyone has two lives. The second one BEGINs when you realize you only have one. – Steven Sotloff, American journalist killed by ISIS in Syria in 2014

"Don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it BEGIN here" -- Captain John Parker, 1775 (commander at the Battle of Lexington)

Tomorrow is a new day; BEGIN it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I Happened To Be Standing" by Mary Oliver

While I was thinking this I happened to be standing

just outside my door, with my notebook open,

which is the way I BEGIN every morning.

Then a wren in the privet began to sing.

He was positively drenched in enthusiasm,

I don't know why. And yet, why not.

I wouldn't persuade you from whatever you believe

or whatever you don't. That's your business.

But I thought, of the wren's singing, what could this be

      if it isn't a prayer?

So I just listened, my pen in the air.

Regarding my writing ambitions, how long does a volcano have to be dormant before it is declared extinct?

from Wikipedia:

Extinct

Whether a volcano is truly extinct is often difficult to determine. Since "supervolcano" calderas can have eruptive lifespans sometimes measured in millions of years, a caldera that has not produced an eruption in tens of thousands of years is likely to be considered dormant instead of extinct. Some volcanologists refer to extinct volcanoes as inactive, though the term is now more commonly used for dormant volcanoes

once thought to be extinct.

 Dormant

It is difficult to distinguish an extinct volcano from a dormant (inactive) one. Volcanoes are often considered to be extinct if there are no written records of its activity. Nevertheless, volcanoes may remain dormant for a long period of time. 

This subject seems appropriate as a I embark on a new goal for a new year of writing -- namely, 

to finish, submit, and publish a book. 

I read some advice recently about new year's resolutions, which I will share here for anyone who has a new year's resolution or two:

1) Select 1-3 things ONLY so that you can have clarity and focus on a really important goal or two.
2) List all of  your really compelling reasons to accomplish this goal. They have to be huge, because they will have to TOWER over the reasons you would like to quit later on.
3) Judge yourself on your honest effort -- NOT the validity of your excuses. Soft lies we tell ourselves kill goals and dreams.
4) List those things that will distract you from accomplishing your goal -- forces that will try to keep you in your comfort zone. You will have to be committed to make this change and work hard to avoid these distractions.
5) Recognize that you will be on your own to accomplish this goal, then hold yourself accountable. Do not blame anyone else.
6) Make a strategic plan. What will you do specifically to accomplish your goal? How will it work? List steps in a hierarchy of importance.

So here is my analysis based upon these steps:
1) Goal Selected: FINISH, SUBMIT & PUBLISH A BOOK
2) My really compelling reasons:

• Because it has been a goal my entire life. I've always known that I am / should be / could be a writer. (To avoid regrets later on in life if I have not really written anything.) 
• To share my vision and insights with the world in a quiet but effective and permanent way. (Someone once observed that people want to write because they want to be heard -- maybe that's it. I also thoroughly enjoy words and ideas.) 
• To demonstrate (especially to my children) that through dedication and hard work, you can fulfill your dreams. 
• To contribute to our household income in a fulfilling, artistically satisfying way. 

3) I will judge myself by my honest efforts by tracking how many minutes I devote each day and how many words I write. 

4) Anticipated distractions: 

• The lure of the Internet, especially Facebook and news sites. 
• My tendancy to become embroiled in other people's projects and problems. 
• Fear, self-doubt, worry. I will need to believe in my own voice as a writer and my destiny to write. I am the only one who can say what I have to say. 
• My tendancy to avoid the hard work of writing by throwing myself into other hobbies and interests. 
• Not having a good daily schedule. Being reactive instead of proactive. 
• Fatigue from staying up too late doing unproductive things. 
• Interruptions. 

5) I will hold myself accountable by:

• working on no more than two writing projects at a time (probably one fiction, one non-fiction) 
• Leaving the house each day for another environment if there are too many distractions and temptations at home. 
• Keeping track of how much actual time (in minutes) I am devoting to writing. 
• Keeping track of how many words I write in each session. 

6) My strategic plan: 

• Pray daily for divine guidance and assistance. 
• Spend up to 30 min. each day doing the business of writing: research, inquiries, etc. 
• Spend about 30 min. each day "free writing" on a blog or elsewhere to warm up. [Record minutes and words]
• Spend 30 min. or more each day working on a piece of writing. [Record minutes and words]
• On Tuesdays, tally up # of minutes and # of words for the week. Make specific goals for the coming week. 
• Submit pieces for publication every two months (The first day of March, May, July, Sept., Nov., Jan.) Track progress. 

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. – Goethe