A ma'am is a gray haired woman in her 70s who wears an apron when she cooks and grafts geraniums for fun. She doesn't flinch when she's called ma'am, because anything more casual or familiar is actually an affront to her.
I remember the first time it happened, many years ago now, and how it cut like a knife to have a stranger make the casual assessment that I was clearly past my prime and therefore no longer eligible to be called 'miss.' I had inadvertently crossed an arbitrary boundary into middle age. It ruined my whole day.
It happened at Blocksbuster again the other evening. This was not some pimply adolescent for whom everyone over 30 is old - this was a man my age or older who called me ma'am repeatedly during the course of the transaction. I'm not questioning his motives - I'm sure he was only trying to be respectful - but, all the same, I wish he had called me by my actual name(visible on my membership card) or 'hey, you' or 'hey, Lady' (which is only a slight improvement) or anything, anything but ma'am.
I don't like being called Miss, either, at this point, because I am clearly not a miss, so when someone calls me Miss, I am instantly skeptical of their false flattery, as though I should be thrilled to think that they think I am young enough to be a miss. Am I making any sense?
Maybe I am being too harsh, too sensitive. I'm sure I've called women Ma'am myself on more than one occasion, but I'm going to stop it and start a movement to stop it, or maybe there's a movement already in progress that I can join...
Ma'ams no more!
3 comments:
You know there is quite a cultural commentary here. Down south where I am from you call every female mam'. It is a sign of respect to the opposite sex. In fact we were reprimanded if we did not comply with this social normalcy. When I moved to Hawaii I addressed the teacher as Sir as I had addressed every other male since I was a boy. He quickly scolded me and told me I was being sarcastic and disrespectful. Damn Yankees!
p.s. Are you coming to see BIG RIVER I still have free tickets but they are selling out fast.
I guess it is generational! I far prefer Ma'am to Miss, Lady, Hey, you or any number of disrespectful addresses. Ma'am connotes respect to a stranger. Being called Ms. Odell or Ma'am by a stranger is preferable to the familiarity of my first name even.--Mom
In response to your mom's comment: Yes, ma'am!
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